uneventful

It's hard to believe that today is the last day of August. Aside from the weather, that is, which has seemed to have gotten chillier as of late, but even that I'm not used to happening until at least a month or so from now. But of course this is England and not the mid-Atlantic region of the United States, and summertime there is much different than it is here. It does kind of feel like we just completely skipped over the summer, like it's stayed Springtime this whole time and will soon turn to Autumn. Hopefully we'll manage to squeak out a nice little Indian Summer though, and it would be nice if that could coincide with our Scarborough trip in a few weeks. Here's to hoping!

So, I'd say it's been a pretty uneventful month, aside from getting used to the new job. Things are going fine there, and as the weeks have gone on I've felt less like the annoying new person who doesn't know anything, and more and more like I'm starting to fit in a little and can relax a bit more and start to be myself and get to know people. Overall I like it, time goes fast there since it's so busy, and the people are pleasant enough. It'll never be Brew-Haha of course, but every place is different, and every place has it's own good things about it too. And it's good to finally be earning money again. Not that I ever have much to spend once money has been set aside for bills and all, but still, a little bit is nice for things like downloading a Kindle book here and there, or just being able to afford to get a little more at the supermarket. I've also been able to work out a payment plan for the last debt that I still owe back in the States, and although that money that comes out of my account every month will be missed, it's only for a year until I've paid back a portion of what I owe, and then they'll forgive the rest, which is really the best deal I could've managed. So by the end of July of next year, I'll be free of all of my old debt, and that's worth every penny I have to give them from now until then, to have that weight off of my shoulders.

Well, I suppose there's not much else to say. Not a very exciting blog entry, but then I suppose the title already speaks for itself.


True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.  ~William Penn

weekend by myself

So, Adam's in Scarborough this weekend for his annual lads holiday. He left on Thursday afternoon and gets back tomorrow, so I've had the flat all to myself this weekend. Thursday was ok since I was working in the afternoon/evening, although it was lonely coming home to an empty flat. Going to bed alone is weird too. Yesterday I had the day off, but I kept busy during the day, with running off to Morrisons for groceries and then Morley Market, and going out with Adam's mum and auntie and cousin for a late lunch. It was a good day, and then I came home and made myself a korma for tea, since I love curries but Adam won't eat them, so we never have it normally. And of course I have plenty to read to keep me occupied, I even downloaded a new Kindle book yesterday when I finally got paid. I do like it better though when Adam's around, even if I'm reading and he's playing a game or watching something I'm not interested in, we can do our own thing and still enjoy each other's presence, you know? I used to love time to myself when I lived at my Mom's, I guess because it always felt like she and my brother and I were always in each other's way or annoying each other somehow, so the times that I was alone felt peaceful. I still like my alone time, I'm used to it during the day when I'm home while Adam's at work, and usually I'm so into my book or whatever else I'm doing that I hardly notice the time go by. I'm just not used to evenings and nights alone anymore, I guess. But it's only for a few days, and by now it's more than halfway over anyhow. I mean, look at all the women out there who have husbands in Afghanistan, or who travel frequently, or any circumstances that keep them apart for long periods of time. I certainly can't complain about a few days. I'll be at work during the day today anyhow, so then I just have to occupy myself for one more night, and then tomorrow morning. I can't say that I'm not glad the weekend is going by fast though. Although I might not be saying that once Monday rolls around and I've got a long week at work ahead of me... but I'll deal with that when it comes around I guess :)

hard to explain

There's something that's starting to bother me a little, and it's hard to explain it without sounding like a whiny rebellious kid, and part of me wants to just not say anything just for that reason. I'm really agreeable towards probably at least 90% of things that people suggest to me or ask of me, and I like being amicable like that, it means that I can be happy with whatever comes up and deal with things without arguments. But at the same time, maybe sometimes it means that I'm getting pushed around or taken advantage of, or just not taking the opportunity to express my own wishes, you know? And I'm starting to wonder if maybe people won't respect me if I just keep going around and agree with everything.

And that's only part of it really. I sort of feel like I don't have any say over things any more, like with my time, my money. My time is whatever I have left around my work schedule, and I know I'm just complaining because I'm still getting used to that again. But I realized that I'm going to miss out on things, when maybe I've taken for granted over the past several months that I can always go along with whatever plans are made, but now I'll probably be working when things come up, like family parties, nights out, or going to the in-laws for tea on a Sunday. Any day I'm working, work's going to take up the bulk of my time for that day, and my days off are likely to be more on random weekdays than on weekends when plans are more likely to be happening. I guess maybe I didn't care in past years when I still lived in the States and didn't have many plans anyway to have to work out with my work schedule, but it's different now that I'm living here and have to balance work with spending time with Adam and our family and friends. It might've been easier if I had a "typical" Monday-Friday job with evenings and weekends off, but that's not something that's in the cards for me.


And then there's money. Money isn't even a big deal for me, except to have the things we need and maybe occasionally a little spending money here and there. I'm not a big spender, and wouldn't be even if I could afford to be. If there's something I want, I save for it. And when it comes to clothes or other things I may need now and then, I stick to bargain shopping. Really, I don't need a lot of money to be happy in my life, but it would still be nice if my paycheck wasn't spent before I even had it. I know things come up, and if it's something important, what can you do? Adam's had to carry the whole financial burden for us while I haven't been able to work, and he's had to give up a lot of things he's wanted too, even things like a night out at the pub with his mates, which wouldn't have required much money. That's why I feel like I shouldn't even be complaining. I guess I just wish that I felt like I had more say in things, not even just about money, just about things in general I guess. Part of me is starting to feel sort of insignificant, I guess, for lack of a better explanation. I'm starting to feel a bit like this is everyone else's world and I'm just living in it. Well, that's probably a bit of an exaggeration. I don't know... sometimes I just miss being able to do what I want, just every now and then. And again, I feel like a bratty immature kid saying that, and I guess that's why it's hard for me to put it out there, because part of me feels it's "wrong" or selfish to feel this way. There's that side of me that wants to make my voice heard, and then there's the other side that says I should shut up and not cause any hassle, or look like a whiny bratty immature kid. I don't know, maybe I just needed to write out what's in my head and then I'll feel better. I think I've just hit a grumpy moment, getting used to changes and all, and that happens to all of us sometimes, even those of us who are normally easygoing.

exhausted and feeling lazy

So, this has really felt like a long week, I suppose it's because this is the first week I'm working full-time, and it's been quite awhile since that's been the case, so it takes getting used to. My feet still hurt by the end of the day, even with the new insoles in my shoes. Time goes by fast there though since it's so busy, and that does help. I'm still not sure if some of the employees still think I'm doing well or going a bit too slow for them. Hopefully it won't take too long for me not to feel like the new person anymore. And then I was supposed to get paid for the first time yesterday, but payroll still hadn't connected to my bank account in time to deposit my wages, so I won't get paid until next week now. It would've helped to make me feel more motivated, having money in my bank account again. I guess I'm a bit grumpier today since it's the first weekend I'm working, and I've also heard that weekends are the busiest time. And I think it's ironic that when I wasn't working, weekends didn't mean much to me since they were just another two days I wasn't working just like any other day in the week, but now they still don't mean anything since they're just another two days in the week that I am working, just like any other day in the week.

So, I just have to get through this afternoon/evening, and tomorrow and Monday during the day, and then I'll have two days off, and an easier week next week overall. Since their week runs Fri- Thurs here, if you look at the week in the "normal" way of Mon.-Sun, it means sometimes I'm working 6 days in a week, and sometimes only 3 or 4, while still always doing 5 days a week if you look at it Fri.-Thurs. I'm sure I'll get used to it once I've been at this for a few more weeks or so. For now I would just love a chance to rest a bit and have some time to myself. Hopefully the next few days will go by fast. 

Well, here's an ironic song that was just playing on last.fm... it's called Feeling Lazy, by the Lightning Seeds. I sure can relate, LOL :)

dreary weather, and the news isn't any better

So, it's been a pretty quiet day, rainy, lazy, last lazy day I'll have until Tuesday next week since I'm working every day until then. Work's going alright, although since I'm still going slow with most everything I do (better to go slower and be less likely to make mistakes, after all, don't you agree?) sometimes I worry that I'm just annoying everyone. But that could just be the insecurities of being the new person. I felt the same way when I was still new at Brew Haha, and look how that turned out, after some time it all became second nature to me. All I can do is go in and give it my best effort, and little by little it does start to get easier. Hopefully my feet will start to hurt less too, it's hard to keep standing up in those shoes as the day goes on, and I know that affects my ability to focus on what I'm doing. Last night we ended up closing two hours early, due to the riots. Our area hasn't had any problems, but the upper management decided that all our stores in the region would close early. It's so sad to watch the videos of all the chaos on the news, it's just crazy how much this is spreading and how the police haven't been able to contain it. I really hope things settle down soon, I never would've expected this to happen here. I know it supposedly started when that guy was shot by the police last week, and they started a non-violent protest in London, which then escalated into groups of young people rioting and looting, but none of that is either productive towards protesting their anger at the police, or even anything really to do with what happened. It's all about just the pent-up anger of kids, their boredom and their own self-interest of stealing some things to make some money and having "fun" being destructive in the process. Then people in other parts of the country see what's going on and decide to be copycats, and now we have the same thing going on in Birmingham, Liverpool, Manchester, and other cities. And it's just making our country look bad, not to mention all the money that it's costing the shopkeepers and the taxpayers who will have to clean up their mess. People don't think about what they're really doing sometimes, and that's the problem with kids acting out, they think they're sticking it to the man, or whatever, and don't care about the real consequences. Well, hopefully they'll all get rounded up and thrown in jail, and then maybe they'll realize.

Well, I'd best go have my tea before Adam eats it all. Hopefully the weather will get better, the news will look more positive, and the next few days will go by fast and be easy enough to get through.

Riddle me this...

Why do people go into a coffee shop or place to eat, and choose a table that's dirty and/or still has dirty dishes on it, when there are other clean tables with no dishes on it to sit at instead? Or, if you see the table you want and it's dirty, and you also see an employee approaching it to clean it off, why do you not hang back and wait for them rather than sitting down right at that moment and then getting annoyed because you're getting crumbs brushed in your lap while the table is being wiped down?

Why are people in the UK somehow not capable of protesting peacefully, or using any public demonstration as occasion for rioting and getting violent when it's absolutely not called for? Not that it's ever going to be called for in any situation I could imagine, but seriously, why?? And why is this rioting getting so out of hand now, not even just contained to one area but spreading around all of London and in other cities too? Really, what the fuck is going on??

Why do there seem to be no NFL preseason games being shown on Sky this weekend? Doesn't preseason start this week? Aren't we ready for some football?!

What's the first thing I should do when I get paid on Friday? Oh wait, I guess I'm too busy working Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to even really think about it for a few days. How is it this week feels like it's going to be so long, when next week's schedule looks easy-peasy? 

Introverts are people too

I've never really understood why people think I'm weird for being quiet, or that I don't talk. Of course I talk, just not as much as some other people do. And really, if we all did nothing but talk, would anyone really be listening?

This was posted on Facebook awhile back, and I thought it was so good that I wanted to post it here too. I can't take credit for writing it, but whoever did, I give them props for being spot on.

Top 10 Myths About Introverts:

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Remember Me

What a beautiful morning it's been here today. The weather report last night called for mostly rain around our area today, but I guess sometimes Mother Nature still throws some surprises our way, and sometimes they're actually pleasant surprises. As long as it stays like this, I might have to take advantage of the sunshine and my last day off today before I'm back at work tomorrow morning, and go sit outside and read later.

Just spent the last couple hours watching the film Remember Me. I saw it last year and loved it, and since I saw it was on Sky yesterday, I thought I'd record it and see if I like it as much the second time around. It really is a good film, maybe in a way it's just another young adult romantic drama full of cliches, but I love how it's done, I love the characters and the messages in it, like how life is short so you should eat dessert first. Or how the little things you do in life matter, because if you don't do them who else will, and because you matter to the people who love you, and they'll remember if a time comes when you're gone and they're still here.

So, I guess I'll be spending most of the afternoon with a book, as usual in my lazy day routine. Won't have as much time to read now that I'll be working a lot more, but I'm sure I'll manage to still find at least a little time each day to get lost in a story, I always did before. I'm sure the new routine will get easier as I go along. And having something to do outside of the house certainly isn't a bad thing.

Today I'm glad for sunshine, inspiring films, LOLcat pictures and captions that make me giggle, good music, my family back in the States, memories of times past, books to lose myself in, Sky tv will all the new channels to explore, time spent with Adam, for never being more than about 70 miles at most from the sea no matter where I am in this country, and for my job that I'll be getting up and going to in the morning.


Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it. - Gandhi